I think I have lost my direction in life...
Or maybe I can say I have never found a direction in life...

Sometimes I feel like a hamster running round and round in the wheel...
I have forgotten what I am looking for...

Sometimes I am so tired...

Why do I feel this constant discontentment....
Nothing seems interesting anymore...

Suddenly I know why...
Because its Sunday night....

Endless Struggles..

Looking back...I am proud I am still around
I am looking forward to the added responsibilities ahead

But the sudden thought of how things might eventually turn out
saddened me....

"Step by step towards excellence"

My primary school motto...
I still believe in it...
but every step seems harder...needs more effort...
I guess this is inevitable..

"what if I cannot make it till the end..."

This thought has dampened my spirit many times recently
I wonder how long can I stay positive...

Key Takeaway

CTQR

Rule of 3

敢问路在何方 (May I ask where is the path...)

This is the theme song of the chinese classic Journey to The West. Many lessons, many inspirations.
The chinese lyrics and video are as follow:-

Journey to the West Theme Song (video and song)
Journey to the West Theme Song (just song)

你 挑着担 , 我牵着马
迎 来日出 , 送走晚霞   
踏 平坎坷 , 成大道
斗 罢艰险   
又出发 , 又出发
啦 …
一番番 春秋冬夏
你尝尝 酸甜苦辣
敢问路 在何方
路在脚下
啦 …
一番番春秋冬夏
你尝尝酸甜苦辣
敢问路 在何方
路在脚下
~~~~~~~~
你挑着担 , 我牵着马
翻山涉水 , 两肩霜花   
风云雷电 , 任叱咤
一路豪歌   
向天涯 , 向天涯
啦 …
一番番春秋冬夏
你尝尝酸甜苦辣
敢问路 在何方
路在脚下
啦…  
一番番春秋冬夏
你尝尝酸甜苦辣
敢问路 在何方
路在脚下
敢问路 在何方
路在脚下 ...

A rough translation of the song.

(You) Carrying the baggages , (I) leading the horse
(We) Welcoming the sunrise, sending off the sunset
Smoothing the rough road ahead, (turning it into) the great path
Quelling struggles, difficulties and troubles
Here we go again, here we go again...
la .. la... la...
Turning the seasons again and again
Tasting the flavours of life again and again
May I ask where is the path...
Look no further but under your feet
la..la..la...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
(You) Carrying the baggages , (I) leading the horse
Crossing countless mountains and waters, flakes and frost on the shoulders...
Let the wind howls and the thunder roars
Singing the carefree song all the way
Towards the furthest end of Earth, towards the furthest end of Earth...
la...la...la...
Turning the seasons again and again
Tasting the flavours of life again and again
May I ask where is the path...
Look no further but under your feet
la...la...la
Turning the seasons again and again
Tasting the flavours of life again and again
May I ask where is the path...
Look no further but under your feet
May I ask where is the path...
Look no further but under your feet

Angry Mind

The hostile multitudes are vast as space...   What chance is there that all are subdued?   .....   Let but this angry mind be overthrown...   And every foe is then and there destroyed.     -Shantideva

忍

"忍一时风平浪气
退一步海阔天空"


Those who are determined to achieve great things must have the strength to face the difficulties at every moment without losing composure and inner tranquility.


"...Despite the difficulties of the moment, I still have a dream..."


大肚能容,容天下难容之亊.
开口就笑,笑天下可笑之人.

Achievement: Boots of Travel

Specially set the publish date and time to match the collection date and time so as to commemorate this special moment of my life...

It was about one or two weeks back when the thought came into mind..... i am going to get one...

And so the search began.....gathering info.......justifying the cause......planning the days ahead...
It has been a long time since my days are filled with such excitement.

One events lead to another....before i knew it....the thought has materialise.

Once again reaffirming my belief that if i set my mind to it....it can be done and it shall be done.

Special thanks to sw, qq and my parents for showing their support by searching with me...by offering their suggestions...and their timely advice......and last but not least the many different catalyst that have hasten and make this moment possible.

I am contented.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

鄭少秋-大時代 世紀之戰 主題曲

笑看风云

For the busy who have lost themselves...

生活上，有一颗随缘心，你会更洒脱。有一颗平常心，你会更从容。

待人上，有一颗慈悲心，你会更积善。有一颗感恩心，你会更幸福。

做事上，有一颗因果心，你会更明理。有一颗不贪心，你会更快乐。

处事上，有一颗忍让心，你会更逢源。有一颗超脱心，你会更淡然。

修身上，有一颗修行心，你会更智慧。有一颗质朴心，你会更纯粹。

成长上，有一颗自如心，你会更清醒。有一颗自助心，你会更稳重。

佛在灵山，灵山在心头。

众生是菩萨，心善可称佛。

佛是有向善心的人，人越善良，离佛越近！

学佛不是一种对于死亡的寄托，而是当下就获得自在的超脱。

禅只有悟猜能做到，而悟不是表面的现象。彻悟本性的人，及时全世界都不理解他，他也不会觉得寂寞。

盲目的崇拜权威不会体会到权威的思想，是一件很可悲的事情，信仰是体现在切实的实践上的，而不是表面的形式。

佛事门中不舍一人。

在你的生命里人人都是你的贵人。没有绝对的好，也没有绝对的坏。

在人生的旅途中，如果多收集身边细碎的点滴，认真的对待你生命中的每一件事情，那你就会有一个钻石一样的未来。

佛不会在意你是否他磕头，这不重要，主要是心诚则灵，坚守善道，则近佛！

把美好的事情和大家一起分享，你就会变得幸福无比。

想要得到对方的喜欢就要做让对方喜欢的事情。

你封锁别人路的时候，也把自己的退路给堵死了。

不会和别人分享的人，最终的结果是自己也享受不到！

害人终害己，做恶终有报！

多行善者命运顺。

害人者自害，利他者自利！

事物的价值不在于谁占有他，而是在于如何占有。

天下没有免费的午餐，免费的不一定就是便宜的！

索取不一定是拥有。

金钱不一定就等于幸福！

枯就让她枯萎，荣就让他荣发。各有各的道理，人间的是非，善恶，长短，都要去从常识上认识，都不过是停留在分别的界限上而已。没有分别的世界，才是真是的世界，我们的认识不过是大千世界的差别，甚至我们执着的善恶也是不对的！

生存就是一种福分。做人不可以太贪婪了！

关于生死之事，没有必要担心，该来的总是会来的，不该来的，不会来，这是自然的规律，没哟必要有太大的压力。

人活着不是为了有用，而是为了生存。

人要是知道了自己生命的意义，就是有再多的苦难，也可以承受，不知道自己本性的人不过是行尸走肉而已。

佛的离开就想蜡烛的熄灭，蜡烛灭了，光到哪里去了，佛就到哪里去了，佛到哪里去了不重要，重要的是怎么成佛，这才是最重要的。不要过分的关心和自己没有太大关系的事情，那不过是在做无用功罢了。

遗忘就是一种死亡，没有人可以永生。生死是人世间最平常的一件事情。

一味的追求得到而不付出，那是不可能的，想要的到的更多，你就要先失去的更多。

明白自己的目标是可贵的，但是坚持自己的目标是更可贵的。知道了自己的所为和自己的目标相违背，那么改正过来就是最好的办法。

每一种选择都会面对一种人生，在你的一生中，你总是会为你的选择付出相应的代价。

佛在哪里？佛子啊法里，法在哪里，就在当下。

珍惜你所拥有的，享受你当下的幸福。

属于别人的风光不一定是适合你的。

在诱惑的面前要保持一颗平常心！

功名利禄看的穿，成败胜负看的透，毁誉得失看的破，就是平常心。

人有太多的欲望，生活中才有太多的不满。有些事情放不下，是因为心中的欲望太多了。

世界上有些事情很平常，没有必要让小事占据了你的内心，风吹云过，烟消云散，其实天空还是那么澄澈，自己的心也不应该有沉重的包袱。

拥有聪明的人只能快乐一时，而有智慧的人可以幸福一生。

- from another blog

Tips for Auditors in their 50s

Career planning doesn’t end once you hit 40. As we have seen, few accountants of any age can afford to take their eye of the ball when it comes to their career. Once you reach your 50s, with luck you will be exactly where you want to be and will be doing what you do. But you should never forget that everyone is vulnerable to sudden and unexpected change, even at the top of their game – the turnover rate among finance directors in the FTSE 100, for instance, would turn anyone’s hair white.

‘Your 50s require as much planning as any other stage of your career’, says Max Williamson, chief executive of CareersinAudit.com. It is particularly important, he says, to maintain and continue to expand your professional network. ‘Should you decide to step out of the corporate world and into the potentially lucrative world of consultancy, then your first clients are almost certainly going to come from that network. Even if you don’t envisage a move out of corporate life, it’s still important that the network is kept fresh.’

One of the biggest problems for accountants (and other professionals) over the age of 50 is also, thankfully relatively rare. In any sector, finding a new position if you find yourself suddenly out of work can be an enormous and soul-destroying challenge, particularly if you are over 50 and well-experienced (and therefore expensive).



Age Discrimination

Senior finance executives in their 50s are particularly vulnerable to redundancies, and it’s vital to have a fall-back position,’ says Williamson. ‘As anyone who has tried it will tell you, re-entering the job market from a standing start in your 50s is exceptionally difficult and can be extremely frustrating. I guarantee that your biggest hurdle will be age discrimination.’

Martin Lloyd-Penny knows this only too well. The experienced accountant (who has worked as a finance director and a partner at BDO Stoy Hayward) was laid off at the age of 52, and a year later, in spite of a concerted effort to find a job, was still out of work. An article in a magazine about mismatch between the shortage of qualified accountants in the UK and the difficulty older accountants have finding work prompted him to write to the editor, thanking him for giving him the inspiration to fight back. Within two weeks he had received 62 emails from accountants in a similar position.

‘If you fall off the corporate ladder in your 40s or 50s it’s very difficult to get back on,’ he says, adding that if anything, the Age Discrimination Act has made things worse for older accountants seeking work. ‘It’s fine if you are already in employment because it gives you more protection, but it has made it harder if you are looking for work because companies have become more risk-averse.’

The result of Lloyd-Penny’s experience is matureaccountants.com, a website that matches experienced accountants, of all ages but generally over the age of 40, with vacancies, as well as providing advice for those looking for work. Lloyd-Penny currently has 2,400 members registered with the site and has placed people all over the UK and overseas, mainly in industry and commerce positions at financial controller, finance director and CFO level. ‘It’s about experience, not age,’ he says.

Lloyd-Penny argues that mature accountants can offer invaluable experience to their employer and particularly to the SME community and owner-managers. These experienced accountants need minimal training and supervision, are used to dealing with suppliers, banks and customers, are flexible and above all, they really want to work.

‘Employers are looking for people who can add value straightaway, who have experience, who aren’t going to go clubbing on a Thursday night and who won’t go off backpacking to Indonesia next summer,’ he says. ‘These are people whose stage in life allows them to be much more flexible and adventurous.’

He adds that the current economic downturn has been a salutary lesson for some employers that experience pays. ‘A lot of businesses are having trouble but many of the people on my books have been through this before, in the early 1990s. They are battled-hardened. If you’re in a tricky situation you don’t want a hot-off-the-press, newly-qualified accountant. You want someone who has been through this before.



Interim Management

Many of the vacancies Lloyd-Penny fills are for contract or interim management work, and he says that while the permanent market can be tough for older candidates, ‘grey hair is a big bonus if you want to be an interim manager.’

Phil Scott, a director with accountancy and finance recruitment specialists AFR Consulting, agrees that the interim market is an ideal way for accountants in their 50s to get job satisfaction and success in the later stages of their career.

‘You need to remember the huge amount of experience and knowledge you have to offer at that age,’ he says. ‘Over-50s make up the biggest percentage of our interim candidates, but this doesn’t mean they are undervalued or can’t sustain a successful career. Employers like to choose over-50s as interims because they are loyal, and being able to call on years of experience means they can hit the ground running. Many of our over 50s have secured financially-rewarding short-term contracts, often being hired by companies looking for an experienced accountant to solve a specific problem or to provide guidance and mentoring to an inexperienced management team, for example.’

Scott makes the point that interim contracts are a rewarding choice for experienced accountants who are looking for variety, and also perhaps for a better work-life balance at a time when you perhaps have fewer responsibilities. ‘Interim posts are an ideal lifestyle choice for those who want to enjoy breaks between contracts,’ he says. ‘And having a series of contracts removes the routine element to the work, allowing you to experience different surroundings and job satisfaction.’



Take the Leap

Even if interim work is not for you, your 50s can be an excellent time to finally fulfil a long-standing dream. The kids may have left home and your responsibilities, after years of hard work, are not as great. If you are happy and fulfilled where you are, enjoy it, but if now, what is holding you back? Why not take the leap?

‘It’s important that people see their 50s as an age where they can try something new,’ says Williamson. ‘Retiring partners from public practice often find a move into a non-profit organisation extremely rewarding, and for frustrated entrepreneurs, the 50s can be a great time to draw on a lifetime’s experience and finally put that great business idea into practice.’

- Liz Fisher for Accountancy Magazine.

Tips for Auditors in their 30s

So, you have qualified as an accountant and have followed the rules for a successful start in your career – you haven’t switched employers too many times while in your 20s, you’ve gained good experience and identified the area you want to work in. Now you’re in your 30s – what next?

Your 30s are when the grown-up years start. You should have worked out what you want to do and where you are aiming for – this is the time to really transform your ambitions into reality. But that will take focus, and hard work.

‘Your 30s are the most fertile and productive years of your career,’ is how Max Williamson, director of the audit careers website CareersinAudit.com, puts it. ‘Things really start to happen. You should have all the skills you need by now, so it’s a question of consolidating that and pushing yourself forward quite aggressively. People can make quantum leaps in terms of career advancement and pay, and I would really expect to see the high flyers start to pull away from everyone else.’



Too Late

Williamson pulls no punches – if you don’t get your career sorted by the time you are 40, it’s probably never going to happen. ‘That’s an unspoken understanding in the profession,’ he says. ‘There’s no pointing keeping your powder dry at this stage for use in the future because there’s nothing else to keep it dry for.’

That does not necessarily mean just aiming for the best job you can, though – it’s about positioning yourself where you want to be. ‘Your 20s were about getting as much experience in different areas as possible, but now it’s about narrowing that experience down and focusing on what you really want to do and where you want to be,’ says Alan Stewart of Heidrick & Struggles.

So what does this mean in cold, hard career terms? The 20s are all about getting qualified and expanding your options,’ says Williamson. ‘In your 30s it’s about being a manager. You need to step up and manage people rather than just contribute to what they do. You really need to have pulled away by your late 30s and you should be in a senior managerial position, otherwise what you will end up with is a career rotation rather than career lift.’ In other words, any move you make will be more sideways rather than up.

For an accountant working in industry, ‘making it happen’ means being in charge of a department – perhaps as a regional or divisional finance director or, if you are really one of the high flyers, a CFO position, in time for your 40th birthday.

Stewart adds, though, managing is not for everyone. ‘We see plenty of people who feel they are not suited to managing people,’ he says. ‘The alternative is moving into a consultative role, or perhaps a chief accountant role or more of a technical specialist in their 30s.’

No one should make the mistake though, of thinking that their career progression will be automatic as their superiors miraculously notice how good they are. ‘There are the gifted few to whom great things happen, but that’s the exception rather than the rule,’ says Williams.

He recommends ‘mapping’ out your CV, making sure that the size and complexity of the teams you are managing increases steadily throughout your 30s so by the end of the decade you should be the top choice for the number one spot in the finance team (or in your chosen department if you are in practice).

For some people, though, the route to the top may not be smooth, perhaps because management levels in their organisation are overloaded. If that is the case, says Williamson, your only option may be to leave. ‘If you do find that you are being blocked in your current company, for whatever reason, you need to have the courage to step up. If you don’t, time will pass and the opportunity may be gone.’



Family Ties

A seamless rise to the top is, inevitably, more of a tricky prospect for a woman who also wants to have a family. Williamson acknowledges that your 30s are difficult for an accountant of either gender who is likely to be juggling career progression with a young family, but women are paced at a fundamental disadvantage. When asked what the advice would be for a female accountant who was aiming for a top job but also wanted to take a career break to have a family, Williamson said: ‘In a word, don’t.’

While more employees are offering flexible working and the situation for ambitious working mothers has improved drastically over the years, it is ridiculous to pretend that taking a career break for motherhood will not, at the very least, slow your career prospects. The best advice is to choose your employer carefully – the Big 4 accountancy firms, for instance, are among the most progressive employers in terms of flexible working and are making genuine attempts to make things easier for working mothers. It is also important to choose your immediate line manager carefully, as they will be the ones making the decision about what you will do when you return to work.

‘My advice would be to treat maternity leave as you would any career break – think about what you have learned about yourself and what you want to be different when you return to work,’ says Stewart. ‘A lot depends on your attitude to why you are going back to work – it makes a world of difference if you convey your enthusiasm for the job.’

A question often considered by accountants in their 30s is whether am MBA would help their future career prospects. Williamson argues that it would not. ‘I think that the ACA qualification holds firm as an excellent business qualification and if you have experience as well to back it up, I don’t see why you would need an MBA. Good people are generally moving too quickly to allow themselves time out to take an MBA anyway.’ He adds, though, that if you have plans to move into a more general business role, an MBA can be a useful way of repositioning yourself. Stewart agrees, saying that an MBA is generally a better bet if you are considering a career change.

If you still haven’t quite worked out shat you want to be doing with your career, don’t be afraid to take advice from the experts. Williamson points out that a good recruitment consultant will be more willing to advise you on a career plan, even if you’re not looking immediately for a new job.

Above all, try to think about what you want to be doing, rather than what you should be doing. ‘A good job is about what makes you go the extra mile,’ says Stewart. ‘You tend to be better at the things you are interested in – and if you are good at your job, money comes along anyway. If you are approaching your 30s now, I’d say think about your current job and the parts you like about it, and then try and replicate that in the future.’

- Liz Fisher for Accountancy Magazine.

Tips for Auditors in their 20s

You are in your 20s and newly qualified as a graduate junior auditor. Congratulations! But now what? Where do you want to be in 30 years time? And how are you going to make that happen? (If you are reading this rather than Nuts or Heat, that’s a very good start).

The frightening truth is that the decisions you make in the first few years after qualification will shape the rest of your career. ‘Although your career has a long way to go when you are in your 20s, a good start means you don’t have to spend your 30s unraveling what could be some costly mistakes,’ says Max Williamson, chief executive of the recruitment website CareersinAudit.com ‘Those graduates who make the right choices in their 20s can really give their career a flying start and crucially, begin to create some space between themselves and the competition.’



First time is the best

The first step in a glittering career as an auditor, obviously, is gaining your degree. That does not mean scraping through the exams – the competition in the profession is such that attitude, commitment, enthusiasm and above all, and the quality of passes (i.e. first time) really matter. Remember that your qualification is the absolute bedrock of your career, whichever path you intend to take later.

Alan Stewart of the executive search agency Heidrick & Struggles adds that the first move after qualification will be, for many, the first meaningful decision they will have made. It is also the most confusing. ‘The choice a newly qualified is faced with can be overwhelming,’ says Stewart, ‘but I tell people not to panic at this stage about messing up their career.’

Stewart asks newly qualified candidates to sit down and think carefully about what part of their job they like, and what they get excited about. For some, though, the answer is that they like nothing about being an accountant. ‘A lot of graduates train as accountants simply because it seems like a good option at the time,’ says Stewart. ‘But some newly qualifieds think that they have to spend the rest of their lives justifying the time and effort they have spent getting it. Your accountancy qualification will be a good qualification, whatever you do from now on.’


The basic decision for newly qualifieds is a simple two-way choice: practice or industry? Whichever is your preference, the decision needs to be a thorough one. ‘If you make the decision to leave practice, then it needs to be carefully thought-out’ says Williamson. CareersinAudit.com believes that newly-qualified accountants should ideally remain with their employer post-qualification for between three to five years, unless there are exceptional circumstances. But, adds Williamson, staying in practice should not be considered an easy option – if you stay, it needs to be for the right reasons and apathy certainly isn’t one of them.

For newly qualifieds hoping for a career in business – and perhaps aiming for a CFO or CEO role – there is a mind-boggling array of choice. But while the traditional route to FD level invariably involved a stint as a financial controller, the nature of the FD role has changed in recent years. Alan Stewart believes that financial planning and analysis is a more useful route as it hones the forward-looking skills now expected of finance directors.

Generally, the traditional climb up the career ladder has disappeared, and that means that your options in your 20s are much wider. ‘I’ve realised over the years that there is no one route to success,’ says Stewart. ‘People have much more mosaic careers these days. The accountancy profession is a very structured environment, particularly in terms of the career structure in the first five years after qualification. But I would urge young accountants to get rid of that mentality – it’s about how good you are. Accountancy is a much more entrepreneurial career these days, if you want it to be.’

That said, if you are thinking of a long-term career in business, internal audit is still an excellent way of gaining all-round experience, even if it may not seem the most exciting option. ‘You have to take penance if you want to move forward’, says Stewart. ‘The point is that when you move up in an organisation people want to work for someone who has done the job that they were doing.’



Moving too soon

White it is important to gain experience in new roles, many young accountants fall into the trap of accepting the first well-paid job that comes along, only to regret it and move on too soon. The good news is that everyone is allowed to make mistakes, provided they learn from them. ‘You can make a bad decision the first time and it will have no impact on your career,’ says Stewart. ‘The second job you take after qualifying is the important one, because employers expect that to a more meaningful move. If your second job doesn’t last more than a year, you’re in trouble.’

Williamson agrees: ‘Moving jobs on a regular basis does not reflect well on an accountant and as you move into your 30s, there certainly shouldn’t be any more than three companies on your CV.’

With so many qualified accountants on the recruitment market, employers are increasingly looking for skills and experience that set candidates apart. International secondments can add significant value to your career prospects, but again they need to be carefully chosen. One of the major benefits of being in your 20s is that you have few ties ad commitments and so should be a prime candidate for an overseas secondment, but young accountants should also be wary of what recruiters call the ‘knee-jerk effect’.

Williamson warns that anyone offered an overseas role should think carefully about whether the job will mean more to them than year-round sunshine. The novelty of working abroad will soon wear off and important considerations such as the cost of living in a different country are often overlooked. Future employers, he adds, can often presume that an overseas secondment in, say, a Caribbean country can mean that you had it easy, even if you worked your socks (or sandals) off.

Overall, successful career planning involves just a little careful thought and a small dose of realism. ‘When you are in your 20s you may not have to do a job for a while that you are not enamoured with, but which you know will be good experience,’ warns Stewart.

For Williamson, the ideal early career can be summed up in a few words: ‘The perfect candidate enters their 30s with a qualification, a second language, proven international experience and an excellent track record of promotion with a small number of companies.’ Good luck!


-Liz Fisher for Accountancy Magazine.

Why Love Is a Neurochemical Roller Coaster

"Love makes your happy chemicals surge, but they always dip."

Love triggers dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. That's why it's so motivating. But happy chemicals come in spurts. They do their job by turning off after they turn on. When your happy chemicals dip, you might interpret it as a loss of love. That turns a natural fluctuation into a crisis. You are better off knowing why love makes happy chemicals go up and down.

Love triggers dopamine
Dopamine is the great feeling you get when you find your missing keys. It's the neurochemical that evolved for seeking and finding. Animals sniff around for food and mating opportunities, and when they find something that meets their needs, dopamine surges. But the surge is short. Dopamine does its job by dropping after it rises, so it's ready to alert you to the next chance to meet your needs.

When you find your keys, you don't expect that great dopamine feeling to last. But when you find "the one," you make so much dopamine that you assume you will soar forever. When the dopamine finally subsides, you wonder what's wrong. You might even blame "the one" for having changed.

I am not saying we should keep seeking new mates to stimulate dopamine. I'm saying we did not evolve to be on a dopamine high all the time.


Love triggers oxytocin
Oxytocin is the neurochemical that causes trust. It's released during orgasm, and in smaller amounts when you hold hands and when animals lick their babies. Oxytocin is the good feeling of a common cause, from a political rally to a football huddle to honor among thieves.

Reptiles release oxytocin during sex, but mammals produce it all the time. That's why reptiles stay away from other reptiles except when mating, while mammals form attachments to relatives and herds. The more oxytocin you release with a person, the more attached you feel. More touch, more oxytocin, more trust. But trust gets complicated in the human brain. You trust a person to live up to your expectations, and don't realize how complex your expectations are. Eventually, your loved one fails to meet your expectations, and you fail to meet theirs.

To your mammal brain, any loss of trust is a life-threatening emergency. When a sheep is separated from its flock, its oxytocin dips and its cortisol surges. Cortisol is the feeling we experience as fear, panic, or anxiety. It works for sheep, motivating them to re-connect with the flock before they're eaten alive. In humans, cortisol turns disappointed expectations into emergencies.


Love triggers serotonin.
Getting respect feels good because it stimulates serotonin. In the animal world, social dominance brings more mating opportunity and more surviving offspring. Animals don't dominate because of conscious long-term goals. They dominate because serotonin feels good.

Your love is pure and untainted by social status, of course. But in other people, you can easily see that status magnifies the neurochemical power of love. In yourself, you have to admit that the romantic attentions of a higher-status person trigger strong feelings. And if you fall for someone who just happens to raise your status, you can't deny that it feels good.

But your brain always wants more respect to get more serotonin. Your loved one may give you that feeling at first, by respecting you or helping you feel respected by others. But your brain takes the respect you already have for granted. It wants more respect to get more good feelings. That's why some people constantly make more demands on their loved ones, and others constantly seek out higher status partners. We'd be better off if we understood the origins of our neurochemical impulses.



Mammalian signals

Animals are surprisingly picky about who they mate with. Free love is not the way of nature. Sex has a preliminary qualifying event in every species. Animals only have sex when the female is actively fertile (except bonobos). Female chimpanzees only have sex every five years. The rest of the time they're pregnant or nursing, and without ovulation the males aren't interested. When opportunity knocks, it's a big deal. Brains good at navigating such hurdles got passed on, and natural selection produced a brain bent on doing whatever it takes to reproduce itself.

Happy chemicals evolved because they get us to do things that promote reproduction. That doesn't make sense in our world of birth control and sustainability pressures. But in the state of nature, lots of babies died, and you had to really focus on making babies to have a few that survived. You may not care about making babies, but your brain is inherited from those who did. Natural selection created a brain that rewards reproductive behavior with happy chemicals.



Love promotes reproduction, so it triggers a lot of happy chemicals. Sex is just one aspect of reproductive behavior. It's important—love motivates you to move mountains in order to be alone with that special someone. But the survivability of your offspring is what mattered to evolution. And that depends on building bonds of attachment, and competing for top quality mates. Of course, your love is above such biological banalities. But happy chemicals feel so good that your brain looks for ways to get more. Neurochemicals do their job without words, and we look for words to explain the crazy motivations they create in us.

Happy chemicals give us information that's hard to interpret. For example, if I watch a football game and burst with excitement when my team scores, I see thousands of others share my reaction. It feels like they understand me. Why doesn't my partner understand me when thousands of others do? The answer is simple. Spectator sports trigger oxytocin, as do politics, religion, and other group activities. You get a good feeling of trust. Of course, trusting a large number of people in a limited way is not the same as trusting one person in a comprehensive way. But to your mammal brain, it's all the same oxytocin.

We want all the happy chemicals we can get. You expect some from romance, and some from other aspects of life. But no matter where you get them, happy chemicals sag after they spurt. When you know why, you can manage your behavior despite the confusing neurochemical signals.

There's good news here. Don't blame yourself or your partner if you're not high on a happy chemicals all the time. Maybe nothing is wrong. You are just living with the operating system that has kept mammals alive for millions of years.

- Loretta Graziano Breuning, Ph.D. in Your Neurochemical Self

浮生如梦

人生在世一蜉蝣，转眼乌头换白头。
百岁光阴能有几？一场笑谈没来由。
当年楚汉今何在？昔日萧曹尽已休。
南来北往走西东, 看见浮生总是空.
天也空来地也空, 人生渺渺在其中.
日也空来月也空, 来来往往有何功.
田也空来地也空, 换了多少主人翁.
金也空来银也空, 死后何曾在手中.
妻也空来子也空, 黄泉路上不相逢.
大藏经中空是色, 般若经中色是空.
朝走西来暮走东, 人生恰似采花蜂.
采得百花成蜜后, 到头辛苦一场空.
夜深听得三更鼓, 翻身不觉五更钟.
仔细从头思想起, 便是南柯一梦中!

-from another blog