Big 4 Sorting Hat

Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Big 4 Sorting Hat
And I can top them all.
There's nothing hidden in your head
The Sorting Hat can't see,
So try me on and I will tell you
Where you ought to be.

You might belong in KPMG,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve and drive for excellence,
Set KPMG apart;

You might belong in Deloitte,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Deloitters are true
And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old PWC,
If you've a steady mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in EY,
You'll make your real friends,
Those friendly folks have the best facilities,
To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get in a flap!
You're in safe hands (though I have none)
For I'm a Thinking Cap!

-modified from Harry Potter's Sorting Hat Song